This is probably bad practice,but I'm going to do it anyway! I'm going to give you guys a sneak peek at something I'm working on. This is just an excerpt. It may come out next year, or it may never come out at all. Just depends on how diligently I work on it. I wont give away too much detail, but know that I have something spectacular on my hands...
"I'M HERE FOR HIM," said Death.
"Ah, him? You can have him! He was beginning to get on my nerves. Shame he had to go out like that," said Jadeboy.
"Though we were stunned in the first instance, we are no longer in that dumbfounded state of mind,'' said Genteel sarcastically.
''You are enjoying this , aren't you? asked Jadeboy. Genteel smiled.
"Yes. Yes I am."
"YOU MEAN TO TELL ME THAT YOUR MARIJUANA HAS WEAKENED THE VEIL THAT SEPARATES OUR REALMS?"
They all looked at each other, "So it would seem," said Jadeboy.
"IN ALL MY UNLIFE AND INEXISTENCE, I HAVE ONLY HEARD MYTHS OF SUCH HERBS. IT WAS THOUGHT THEY WERE NO LONGER CULTIVATED."
"What can I say?-I have a great supplier. He did say it was one of a kind."
Lo was trying to feel the supernaturally black fabric that was Death's cloak He grabbed a handful of it like a curious baby and it tore off like thick smoke that had been fanned away. When he opened his palm to see his handful, it just evaporated. Death took no notice of this.
"This shit right here?! This shit right here?! Right here this shit--?! Dagger exclaimed,"--This shit called DEAF! Literally!"
"I MUST EXPERIENCE THIS MYTHICAL PLANT."
"Sure," said Jadeboy, "But what about our dearly departed Don over here?"
"OH, MY APOLOGIES."
"Aw man! Don't tell me I'm dead!!"
Death opened his cloak revealing a deep,black abyss that absorbed Don Carlos' soul.Genteel's eyes opened wide in amazement,''Oh snap! So where did he go? Was that like gateway to hell? Or did he go to heaven? Is that like instant transmission or will he be lost to us until God comes?''
''DID YOU NOT SAY YOU ARE USED TO THIS 'SORTA THING'?''
''I know, but dude, Death, you gotta tell me!''
''VERY WELL. BUT ONLY AFTER I PARTAKE IN YOUR RITUALISTIC SMOKING.''
''Sure!'' Genteel said.
''WAIT!'' exclaimed Jadeboy,''I must seek counsel with my friends first. Huddle up!''
They all jumped up and huddled in a circle. Death watched them like a skeleton in a science lab.
''Have you guys thought about the possible consequences of letting Death get stoned with us?''
''I agree,'' said Dagger,''He just might geek and die like Carlos did. What would happen then? If Death died?''
''Death cant die you idiot!'' said Lo.
''I agree,'' said Genteel.
''Yeah, but twenty minutes ago we weren't on a first name basis with him!''
''But think about it, since when do we ever think things through? We usually just go with the vibe,'' replied Lo.
Their thought process was sluggish seeing as they had smoked quite a bit that day, but that all changed in an instant when five ninjas somersaulted through the windows and the boys' adrenaline went crashing through the roof. Four ninjas stood firmly with their sharp katanas at the throats of each of the young men. The fifth shinobi stepped forward into the small circle of captive boys and cut-throat ninjas--his eyes the only visible feature behind his ninja mask. The shinobi began to speak
.
''My dear friend Jadeboy, so sorry to rudely interrupt your little tea party, but I simply found it of the utmost importance that I speak with you.''
''Yeah well I think it would be a lot easier to speak if you called off your foot soldiers Master Shredder,'' said Jadeboy.
''I am not Shredder!'' the master ninja protested. He wore a metallic mouth piece over his mask and three spikes were attached to it; one in the center of his forehead and the other two on either side of his head. It all formed a sort of crown-like headgear.
''I would prefer it if you refrained from calling me that! Now, we have reason to believe that you have something very special in your possession.''
The other four ninjas maintained their form, blades still at the throats of Jadeboy and his friends. Their muscles tense and unmoving. Not one of the ninjas could see Death standing in front of the couch. His black,smokey cloak evaporating and re-forming where his feet would be. He observed what happened there silently. Jadeboy had both his arms up in submission, careful not to touch the sharp blade with his gullet. He swallowed.
''Hey man, I told you, I don't have anything for you. Now I have to replace my windows. Do you have any idea how much those cost? Those must be the fourth set this month.'' Jadeboy said.
''Hah! You lie! I can smell it! Its pungent odor permeates this very room! And look,that roach is still smoking!....What is that other smell!? Have one of you soiled yourselves!?''
''Ahh, dude,I think Don Carlos just shat himself! Looks like we forgot about that! I'm not carrying his body!'' said Lo.
''But why do you have a dead body here?" asked the master shinobi.
''Its a long story man,'' Dagger said,''You wouldn't believe me if I told you.''
''Uuumm, mister Grim Reaper? Could you please assist us with this situation?'' asked Jadeboy.
''How can I assist you when I am here to make demands?'' shouted the shinobi, ''It is I that requires assistance!''
''Not you mister Ninja Gaiden!'' retorted Jadeboy.
''Enough with the name calling! I could have my shinobi slit your windpipes at the snap of a finger! Now, give me the marijuana I came here for!'' snapped the ninja leader.
''Listen, Death, if you take care of these guys for us, you could have a couple of hits of our bong,'' Jadeboy said.
''COUPLE OF HITS?''
''Yes, you can smoke some of our 'mythical herbs'''
''You are testing my patience!'' exclaimed the ninja, ''I do not wish to have 'a couple of HITS'! I wish to go away and partake of it at my own convenience! Give us your marijuana and we will depart!''
''OH, YOU WILL BE DEPARTING,'' Death said as he raised his scythe and swiped it through all of the ninjas necks in one fell swoop. The boys all ducked. Yet again there was no blood as the ghosts snaked into the atmosphere, leaving their former shells and were sucked into Death's cloak. The bodies of all five ninjas dropped to the ground simultaneously like victims of a gas chamber.
''Ya see?! We bring death to your whole crew if you mess with us bitch! Literally!'' exclaimed Dagger with relief.
''So that's one, two, three....six bodies in my backyard cemetery! Shame they aren't paying customers, I would have made quite a bit of money,'' said Jadeboy.
''Now I have to start making arrangements with Don (our Don) so we can bury these corpses.''
''Yo Death, that was awesome man! Did you see how he just slashed at them guys' necks!?'' Genteel was evidently excited, ''O.K I know for sure those guys are going to hell! Or is it limbo? How do you determine who goes where?'' he asked.
''THAT IS NOT MY DECISION TO MAKE''
''Who decides then, God?'' asked Genteel.
''I HAVE TO BE ON MY WAY SOON. CAN WE PROCEED WITH THOSE 'HITS' SO I COULD CARRY ON WITH MY DUTIES?''
Dagger knotted his eyebrows, ''I'm curious though,should we roll you a joint or would you rather hit the bong? 'coz dude, you have no lips....''
''I THINK A ROLLED CIGARETTE WOULD WORK BETTER,'' replied Death.
"I'M HERE FOR HIM," said Death.
"Ah, him? You can have him! He was beginning to get on my nerves. Shame he had to go out like that," said Jadeboy.
"Sooo...eerie black cloak and hoody thing, absolutely no flesh and a boney face--literally... But the bone encrusted scythe was a dead give away-no pun intended. I'm guessing you are Death."
"YOU ARE CORRECT."
When he spoke, Death's mouth did not move. Not because of his evident lack of lips or skin deficiency, but the sound of his voice was similar to music in a good pair of earphones. The type that cause people to turn their heads thinking the sound effects in the music are coming from somewhere over their shoulders because the surround sound is so amazing. His voice resonated directly inside their heads.
When he spoke, Death's mouth did not move. Not because of his evident lack of lips or skin deficiency, but the sound of his voice was similar to music in a good pair of earphones. The type that cause people to turn their heads thinking the sound effects in the music are coming from somewhere over their shoulders because the surround sound is so amazing. His voice resonated directly inside their heads.
"WHAT I FAIL TO COMPREHEND IS HOW YOU ARE ABLE TO SEE ME. CLEARLY YOU ARE NOT GODS. PERHAPS YOU ARE WIZARDS?"
"Though we were stunned in the first instance, we are no longer in that dumbfounded state of mind,'' said Genteel sarcastically.
''You are enjoying this , aren't you? asked Jadeboy. Genteel smiled.
"Yes. Yes I am."
"We are used to this sorta thing Mr.Death. We usually smoke weed until fucked up shit happens. Literally. Usually its unintentional though. These phenomena just seem to follow us."
"YOU MEAN TO TELL ME THAT YOUR MARIJUANA HAS WEAKENED THE VEIL THAT SEPARATES OUR REALMS?"
They all looked at each other, "So it would seem," said Jadeboy.
"IN ALL MY UNLIFE AND INEXISTENCE, I HAVE ONLY HEARD MYTHS OF SUCH HERBS. IT WAS THOUGHT THEY WERE NO LONGER CULTIVATED."
"What can I say?-I have a great supplier. He did say it was one of a kind."
Lo was trying to feel the supernaturally black fabric that was Death's cloak He grabbed a handful of it like a curious baby and it tore off like thick smoke that had been fanned away. When he opened his palm to see his handful, it just evaporated. Death took no notice of this.
"This shit right here?! This shit right here?! Right here this shit--?! Dagger exclaimed,"--This shit called DEAF! Literally!"
"I MUST EXPERIENCE THIS MYTHICAL PLANT."
"Sure," said Jadeboy, "But what about our dearly departed Don over here?"
"OH, MY APOLOGIES."
Death lifted his scythe with both his skeletal hands and brought it down across Don Carlos' chest in one precise swoop. There was no blood gushing and pouring out, only Don Carlos'soul emerged from his body. It glowed a faint white, almost like white noise on an old analogue T.V. The ghost looked at them as they all stared at him in awe. Carlos looked across all their faces and came to his own earthly cadaver, still in its stiffened position."
"Aw man! Don't tell me I'm dead!!"
Death opened his cloak revealing a deep,black abyss that absorbed Don Carlos' soul.Genteel's eyes opened wide in amazement,''Oh snap! So where did he go? Was that like gateway to hell? Or did he go to heaven? Is that like instant transmission or will he be lost to us until God comes?''
''DID YOU NOT SAY YOU ARE USED TO THIS 'SORTA THING'?''
''I know, but dude, Death, you gotta tell me!''
''VERY WELL. BUT ONLY AFTER I PARTAKE IN YOUR RITUALISTIC SMOKING.''
''Sure!'' Genteel said.
''WAIT!'' exclaimed Jadeboy,''I must seek counsel with my friends first. Huddle up!''
They all jumped up and huddled in a circle. Death watched them like a skeleton in a science lab.
''Have you guys thought about the possible consequences of letting Death get stoned with us?''
''I agree,'' said Dagger,''He just might geek and die like Carlos did. What would happen then? If Death died?''
''Death cant die you idiot!'' said Lo.
''I agree,'' said Genteel.
''Yeah, but twenty minutes ago we weren't on a first name basis with him!''
''But think about it, since when do we ever think things through? We usually just go with the vibe,'' replied Lo.
Their thought process was sluggish seeing as they had smoked quite a bit that day, but that all changed in an instant when five ninjas somersaulted through the windows and the boys' adrenaline went crashing through the roof. Four ninjas stood firmly with their sharp katanas at the throats of each of the young men. The fifth shinobi stepped forward into the small circle of captive boys and cut-throat ninjas--his eyes the only visible feature behind his ninja mask. The shinobi began to speak
.
''My dear friend Jadeboy, so sorry to rudely interrupt your little tea party, but I simply found it of the utmost importance that I speak with you.''
''Yeah well I think it would be a lot easier to speak if you called off your foot soldiers Master Shredder,'' said Jadeboy.
''I am not Shredder!'' the master ninja protested. He wore a metallic mouth piece over his mask and three spikes were attached to it; one in the center of his forehead and the other two on either side of his head. It all formed a sort of crown-like headgear.
''I would prefer it if you refrained from calling me that! Now, we have reason to believe that you have something very special in your possession.''
The other four ninjas maintained their form, blades still at the throats of Jadeboy and his friends. Their muscles tense and unmoving. Not one of the ninjas could see Death standing in front of the couch. His black,smokey cloak evaporating and re-forming where his feet would be. He observed what happened there silently. Jadeboy had both his arms up in submission, careful not to touch the sharp blade with his gullet. He swallowed.
''Hey man, I told you, I don't have anything for you. Now I have to replace my windows. Do you have any idea how much those cost? Those must be the fourth set this month.'' Jadeboy said.
''Hah! You lie! I can smell it! Its pungent odor permeates this very room! And look,that roach is still smoking!....What is that other smell!? Have one of you soiled yourselves!?''
''Ahh, dude,I think Don Carlos just shat himself! Looks like we forgot about that! I'm not carrying his body!'' said Lo.
''But why do you have a dead body here?" asked the master shinobi.
''Its a long story man,'' Dagger said,''You wouldn't believe me if I told you.''
''Uuumm, mister Grim Reaper? Could you please assist us with this situation?'' asked Jadeboy.
''How can I assist you when I am here to make demands?'' shouted the shinobi, ''It is I that requires assistance!''
''Not you mister Ninja Gaiden!'' retorted Jadeboy.
''Enough with the name calling! I could have my shinobi slit your windpipes at the snap of a finger! Now, give me the marijuana I came here for!'' snapped the ninja leader.
''Listen, Death, if you take care of these guys for us, you could have a couple of hits of our bong,'' Jadeboy said.
''COUPLE OF HITS?''
''Yes, you can smoke some of our 'mythical herbs'''
''You are testing my patience!'' exclaimed the ninja, ''I do not wish to have 'a couple of HITS'! I wish to go away and partake of it at my own convenience! Give us your marijuana and we will depart!''
''OH, YOU WILL BE DEPARTING,'' Death said as he raised his scythe and swiped it through all of the ninjas necks in one fell swoop. The boys all ducked. Yet again there was no blood as the ghosts snaked into the atmosphere, leaving their former shells and were sucked into Death's cloak. The bodies of all five ninjas dropped to the ground simultaneously like victims of a gas chamber.
''Ya see?! We bring death to your whole crew if you mess with us bitch! Literally!'' exclaimed Dagger with relief.
''So that's one, two, three....six bodies in my backyard cemetery! Shame they aren't paying customers, I would have made quite a bit of money,'' said Jadeboy.
''Now I have to start making arrangements with Don (our Don) so we can bury these corpses.''
''Yo Death, that was awesome man! Did you see how he just slashed at them guys' necks!?'' Genteel was evidently excited, ''O.K I know for sure those guys are going to hell! Or is it limbo? How do you determine who goes where?'' he asked.
''THAT IS NOT MY DECISION TO MAKE''
''Who decides then, God?'' asked Genteel.
''I HAVE TO BE ON MY WAY SOON. CAN WE PROCEED WITH THOSE 'HITS' SO I COULD CARRY ON WITH MY DUTIES?''
Dagger knotted his eyebrows, ''I'm curious though,should we roll you a joint or would you rather hit the bong? 'coz dude, you have no lips....''
''I THINK A ROLLED CIGARETTE WOULD WORK BETTER,'' replied Death.
